22nd June 2011 Stardate 64976.5
It was the shortest day of the year yesterday and the actual 6 month marker to the ‘big day’. Ewww that sounded a bit like I was counting down toward matrimony obligations. No, its still going to be a 40th and a fat no to the latter, societal ties are to be avoided in my opinion.
Mmmm so relationships have been a focus of late, paternal, friendship, former love partnerships. I’ve been disappointed that my father can’t forge a relationship with me, I’ve terminated a longtime friendship and I’m currently spending time with two ex-boyfriends. I have a new friend (Virgo) who thinks that we (Aquarians) are the worst at letting our ex’s go. She may be right but then I’ve never really had any of those dramatic relationship breakups other people seem to have. The relationships have just terminated really because I’ve personally (mentally or emotionally) moved on. It’s not their fault, its just that I’m consistently evolving and frequently grow out of situations and people. It’s not that I love or care any less but I’m no longer as concerned with the lesson of the relationship. Anyway digressing, there is no love lost just love that has transcended to another place. Most people don’t understand that love/hate are inextricably linked really.
So other new things on the horizon. My short film had its first outing and like a proud parent I wet its head and quietly couldn’t believe that I’d actually made something that had my name on it that may make its way into the public conciousness. I’m less concerned of what people think about it than the fact that I can (a bit like Ubu) go “I made this!”.
Right now I’m also terribly in love with Moby’s new album “Destroyed”. It evokes in me inspiration, sadness, nostalgia and a weird sense of connection to the world. Today as I listened, I took the train and admired the hustle/bustle of those around me straining desperately to get in/out of the door on the hope that they just might add a minute to their day if they moved faster. What they missed in their haste was the beautiful hue of the morning sun shining in between tunnel crossings. I crossed a bridge over the harbour and again between weaving cycles and humans really saw the energy in the water beneath me. I had a soundtrack to the ‘little things’ today and it took my breath away. People really do walk around ‘blind’.
Soon I think I should do a slice of nostalgia and list some of my earliest memories. Reason being, I was in conversation with a new found acquaintance (through business dealings) who was going back to one of my childhood towns to visit his family and I mentioned some of my own wonderful memories of the place. He was astounded that I could recall such things when his first memory was at about age 6. I can remember back to when I was just under 2 (in Australia) and perched on a window sill watching a goanna eating my cat’s kittens. Having learnt in the last few days that dementia is fast becoming the leading killer (surpassing bowel and breast cancers) in this country these thoughts had a strange resonance. I cherish my memories (even at what is considered such a young age) and feel that the power to reminisce is both a strange comfort and a wonderful blessing.
So…6 months to go…perhaps now is when I should have a little bet with myself how many of these posts I shall accomplish! We’ll see peeps….we’ll see.